1 00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:43,759 Hello, kids. 2 00:00:44,078 --> 00:00:47,444 You know, lots of folks are just damn right scared of zombies. 3 00:00:49,149 --> 00:00:51,397 But there is no reason to be afraid, 4 00:00:51,518 --> 00:00:53,034 and I tell you why. 5 00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:57,295 So, you know a zombie? A McGee-Guffin Edu-tainment. Grades K-6. 6 00:00:57,941 --> 00:01:00,518 Brought to you by The US Department of Civil Defense 7 00:01:00,618 --> 00:01:02,853 and The Norwegian Department of Animal Husbandry. 8 00:01:02,953 --> 00:01:05,097 Part 1. An Introduction to the Undead. 9 00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:09,099 See, kids, zombies begin to show up at the turn of the decade. 10 00:01:09,870 --> 00:01:12,290 Some says it was because of the red star 11 00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:14,496 that begin to glow in the sky. 12 00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:17,151 Others that it was the Russkies. 13 00:01:17,478 --> 00:01:19,940 Either way, spores began to fill the air. 14 00:01:22,016 --> 00:01:25,080 When we breathe these spores, they settle in our lungs. 15 00:01:26,053 --> 00:01:28,801 Then the spores go to sleep. 16 00:01:29,223 --> 00:01:31,841 When we die, the spores wake up, 17 00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:35,576 and it's the spores that keep our brain and body working. 18 00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:38,983 But that doesn't mean that zombie is dangerous. 19 00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:44,769 No, sorry. He can work and raise a family just like always. 20 00:01:45,172 --> 00:01:48,322 But he is a little sick. And he'll want to it your flesh. 21 00:01:48,776 --> 00:01:51,668 Kinda like you, kids, with candy on Halloween. 22 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,656 But as long as he stays out of the sun, 23 00:01:55,916 --> 00:01:58,636 he'll keep from running and stay in 1 piece. 24 00:01:59,319 --> 00:02:02,599 Now, there are some zombies that turn into mindless monsters. 25 00:02:04,091 --> 00:02:07,285 But we'll tell you more about those bad zombies next time. 26 00:02:07,428 --> 00:02:10,302 Ask your teacher about the dangers of eating raw meat! 27 00:02:16,303 --> 00:02:17,519 Hey, George! 28 00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:23,098 Hey, George, it's Bob from next door! 29 00:02:23,610 --> 00:02:24,998 I got some mail. 30 00:02:27,247 --> 00:02:28,849 George, you are home? 31 00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:36,113 Bills. 32 00:03:03,650 --> 00:03:05,252 Is there you, George? 33 00:03:49,500 --> 00:03:52,400 George: A zombie intervention 34 00:04:02,609 --> 00:04:04,685 Hey, Roger. What's up? It's Ben. 35 00:04:05,445 --> 00:04:09,111 So, we are meeting tonight at my place to plan George's intervention. 36 00:04:09,883 --> 00:04:13,205 You know, since Sarah's birthday party, George has got worse. 37 00:04:14,021 --> 00:04:16,009 So, we are gonna have the intervention 38 00:04:16,109 --> 00:04:18,132 tomorrow at George's place at around 4. 39 00:04:18,906 --> 00:04:20,603 I've talked to the girls, 40 00:04:20,703 --> 00:04:23,100 and they agree that this abuse has to end. 41 00:04:24,064 --> 00:04:25,968 Hope you can make it, buddy. 42 00:04:32,739 --> 00:04:34,213 I need some water. 43 00:04:34,541 --> 00:04:36,617 Make yourself at home, Francine. 44 00:04:37,678 --> 00:04:39,280 You're still beeping. 45 00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:46,392 Where is the food? 46 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:47,434 Food. 47 00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:49,752 Yes, food. 48 00:04:50,106 --> 00:04:52,005 Well, this is not a cocktail party. 49 00:04:52,105 --> 00:04:54,018 It's a planning meeting for an intervention. 50 00:04:54,118 --> 00:04:56,377 Yes, but it's still a gathering, 51 00:04:56,477 --> 00:04:59,328 and when you invite people over, as miss Post would say… 52 00:04:59,428 --> 00:05:00,859 I don't have a food. 53 00:05:04,771 --> 00:05:07,061 You get that, I'll take care of this. 54 00:05:12,536 --> 00:05:14,078 — Hey, Ben. — Hi, Sarah. 55 00:05:14,178 --> 00:05:16,271 Parking on your street fucking sucks. 56 00:05:17,618 --> 00:05:19,694 — Steve, you remember Ben? — Hey. 57 00:05:20,229 --> 00:05:23,707 Why would you bring your new boyfriend to old boyfriend's intervention? 58 00:05:23,807 --> 00:05:27,399 Listen, Benji. You, girls, are gonna be whining and crying the whole time. 59 00:05:27,499 --> 00:05:30,988 Somebody has gotta stand up and verbally kick George in the sack. 60 00:05:31,433 --> 00:05:32,989 And that's why I'm here. 61 00:05:33,089 --> 00:05:34,760 That's not why you're here. 62 00:05:35,402 --> 00:05:37,930 — Okay, then why am I here? — Moral support. 63 00:05:38,030 --> 00:05:41,112 But I don't have any morals, that's how I got where I am. 64 00:05:41,211 --> 00:05:44,205 So, lack of morality made you assistant regional manager. 65 00:05:44,305 --> 00:05:47,201 You wouldn't understand. The BG, it's fierce. 66 00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:50,365 — The BG. — Baby Gap. 67 00:05:50,465 --> 00:05:53,168 It's like, um, swimming with sharks in the waters 68 00:05:53,268 --> 00:05:55,434 — that are filled with chud. — Chum. 69 00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:57,804 What? 70 00:05:57,925 --> 00:06:01,111 Chum. The word is "chum." That's what sharks feed, chum. 71 00:06:01,211 --> 00:06:04,232 — Then what's chud? — Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller. 72 00:06:04,332 --> 00:06:06,716 — Oh, I don't play Dungeons & Dragons. — No, it's… 73 00:06:06,816 --> 00:06:08,915 — Bring me snacks. — We'll eat later. 74 00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:11,928 You know, I have to eat every 3 hours. 75 00:06:12,028 --> 00:06:15,075 Because if I don't eat, my metabolism is gonna slow 76 00:06:15,175 --> 00:06:18,854 to the rate of a fat fucking retarded fat fuck. 77 00:06:19,263 --> 00:06:21,373 There's Vienna sausage in the kitchen. 78 00:06:21,473 --> 00:06:22,961 Steve is a vegetarian. 79 00:06:23,417 --> 00:06:26,451 — I've got a homemade apple pie. — Hell, yeah. 80 00:06:31,858 --> 00:06:33,934 You keep up a pie in your purse? 81 00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:35,944 Not usually. 82 00:06:47,174 --> 00:06:48,765 What are we waiting for? 83 00:06:48,865 --> 00:06:50,840 We're waiting for the interventionist. 84 00:06:50,940 --> 00:06:54,081 — You hired an interventionist? — Francine did. 85 00:06:54,181 --> 00:06:56,729 And this interventionist is a professional? 86 00:06:56,883 --> 00:06:59,372 — The flyer was nice. — Flier. 87 00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,925 You hired an interventionist from a flyer. 88 00:07:04,025 --> 00:07:06,358 She came of very highly recommended. 89 00:07:06,893 --> 00:07:08,453 From who, *********? 90 00:07:19,291 --> 00:07:21,124 Oh, you've gotta be kidding me? 91 00:07:21,224 --> 00:07:23,212 Oh, those are cute animal stickers. 92 00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:27,148 — This is who you hired? — She's a professional. 93 00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:31,518 Oh, of course, anybody with cute little 94 00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:34,510 animal stickers over the flyer has to be reputable. 95 00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:41,091 Francine: That's her. Steve: What do we do? 96 00:07:47,534 --> 00:07:49,308 Thank you all for coming. 97 00:07:50,570 --> 00:07:52,344 My name is Barbra A'Dario, 98 00:07:53,006 --> 00:07:56,743 and I am a professional interventionist. 99 00:07:56,843 --> 00:07:58,703 We know, we saw your flyer. 100 00:07:59,246 --> 00:08:00,376 Thank you. 101 00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:04,885 Now, you may be asking yourself, 102 00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:07,761 "Is an intervention the best approach?" 103 00:08:08,255 --> 00:08:11,750 Or, "Is this the best time for an intervention?" 104 00:08:12,292 --> 00:08:15,012 Whoa, the answer to both of those questions is… 105 00:08:23,537 --> 00:08:27,180 I knew that, I knew that. Um, lets see… 106 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:33,507 Is… 107 00:08:36,249 --> 00:08:37,635 Is "yes." 108 00:08:40,987 --> 00:08:44,109 What if George realizes on his own that he has a problem? 109 00:08:44,209 --> 00:08:46,347 I mean, people do that, don't they? 110 00:08:46,447 --> 00:08:48,941 Well, it's possible, but highly improbable. 111 00:08:49,629 --> 00:08:53,937 It's what we in the biz like to refer to as "spontaneous insight". 112 00:08:54,501 --> 00:08:57,495 This usually happens when the person hits rock bottom, 113 00:08:57,595 --> 00:09:00,205 but it's something that we shouldn't back on. 114 00:09:01,052 --> 00:09:02,907 This just doesn't feel right. 115 00:09:03,007 --> 00:09:05,027 It seems so sneaky, so secretive. 116 00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:11,973 An intervention is the polar opposite 117 00:09:12,652 --> 00:09:15,734 of sneaky and secretive. 118 00:09:16,656 --> 00:09:18,946 By participating in this intervention 119 00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:21,324 both you and your friend George 120 00:09:21,628 --> 00:09:24,665 will be able to break through the wall of silence 121 00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:28,054 that has been erected between you. 122 00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:31,709 All. 123 00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:38,470 Now, by your show of hands, 124 00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:42,229 how many of you have ever been to an intervention before? 125 00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:47,453 Anyone? Anyone? I thought not. 126 00:09:47,954 --> 00:09:52,337 That's why I have prepared a little something for all of you. 127 00:09:53,527 --> 00:09:56,721 So, take a few moments to familiarize yourself with these. 128 00:09:57,229 --> 00:09:59,298 And I think it goes without saying, 129 00:09:59,398 --> 00:10:01,979 that these are register with the writer skills. 130 00:10:02,079 --> 00:10:03,648 — Um, excuse me. — Yes? 131 00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,125 Um, well, who is Helen? 132 00:10:08,642 --> 00:10:12,817 Oh, my goodness. I grabbed the wrong scripts. 133 00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:14,924 Scripts? 134 00:10:15,315 --> 00:10:17,519 Oh, yes. You see, since most people 135 00:10:17,918 --> 00:10:20,768 have never participated in an intervention before, 136 00:10:21,188 --> 00:10:23,522 I usually take the liberty of crafting 137 00:10:23,857 --> 00:10:26,879 a little practice script in order to help you prepare. 138 00:10:27,066 --> 00:10:29,196 Except you brought the wrong scripts. 139 00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:33,266 Technically. However, even though each intervention 140 00:10:33,366 --> 00:10:36,748 has its own unique je ne sais quoi, 141 00:10:37,807 --> 00:10:39,849 they are all pretty much the same. 142 00:10:39,949 --> 00:10:41,829 Fine, can we just get started? 143 00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:46,913 One last thing. I am a firm believer 144 00:10:47,013 --> 00:10:49,475 in the biomechanical technique of acting. 145 00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:51,843 Acting from the outside in. 146 00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,684 So I brought a little something 147 00:10:55,589 --> 00:10:57,793 to help you all get into character. 148 00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:02,799 Now if you all stand, we can start the rehearsal. 149 00:11:05,732 --> 00:11:07,678 Ben, would you begin, please? 150 00:11:08,935 --> 00:11:09,935 Action. 151 00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:14,226 Hello, Deborah. How are you? 152 00:11:14,326 --> 00:11:16,555 Hello, Mikel. I'm fine. How are you? 153 00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:18,784 I'm fine. Where is Helen? 154 00:11:19,021 --> 00:11:20,436 Where do you think? 155 00:11:20,536 --> 00:11:22,714 She is in her bedroom, sleeping again. 156 00:11:23,450 --> 00:11:26,454 Whoa. Um, well, where is Caron? 157 00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:29,108 She is in the bathroom, 158 00:11:29,256 --> 00:11:32,106 but if you ask me, Caron shouldn't be here at all. 159 00:11:32,744 --> 00:11:34,690 But why do you say that, Deborah? 160 00:11:34,790 --> 00:11:37,531 Well, just between you and me, Mikel, 161 00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:40,867 she sleeps a lot too, it's almost like 162 00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:43,171 the pot calling the kettle black. 163 00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:53,313 Hold on. I'm sorry, but what exactly is Helen's addiction? 164 00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:55,527 Sleep, Helen is addicted to sleep. 165 00:11:55,627 --> 00:11:58,574 That's ridiculous, how can somebody be addicted to sleep? 166 00:11:58,674 --> 00:12:01,443 — Is that even possible? — Of course, it's possible. 167 00:12:03,123 --> 00:12:05,929 All Helen does is sleep. She sleeps all the time. 168 00:12:06,826 --> 00:12:08,930 You know, there is a technical term 169 00:12:09,030 --> 00:12:11,177 for someone who sleeps all the time. 170 00:12:11,431 --> 00:12:13,205 Yeah, it's called a coma. 171 00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:15,962 How do you know she's not just in a coma? 172 00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:19,740 Give me those. 173 00:12:22,642 --> 00:12:26,198 Now, I have a little homework assignment for all of you. 174 00:12:28,315 --> 00:12:31,251 You need to make a list of the incidences 175 00:12:31,351 --> 00:12:33,599 that you have experiences first-hand 176 00:12:33,987 --> 00:12:37,223 of your friend George's addictive and destructive behavior. 177 00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:40,569 And finally you need to determine 178 00:12:40,669 --> 00:12:42,875 your response to your friend George. 179 00:12:43,007 --> 00:12:44,876 How far are you willing to go 180 00:12:44,976 --> 00:12:47,714 to convince your friend George that he needs help. 181 00:12:48,487 --> 00:12:49,867 What do you mean? 182 00:12:49,967 --> 00:12:53,590 Well, are you willing to tell your friend George 183 00:12:54,140 --> 00:12:56,516 that if he does not seek the treatment, 184 00:12:56,843 --> 00:12:59,521 that he needs for his… his addictive behavior, 185 00:13:00,547 --> 00:13:02,772 that you will completely dissolve 186 00:13:02,872 --> 00:13:04,645 your relationship with him. 187 00:13:04,745 --> 00:13:07,750 Cut off all communications, sever all ties. 188 00:13:08,321 --> 00:13:09,749 That's a no-brainer. 189 00:13:09,849 --> 00:13:12,424 I'm sure the threat of the loss of your close friendship 190 00:13:12,524 --> 00:13:15,322 — will be quite a blow to George. — What about you, Ben? 191 00:13:15,662 --> 00:13:19,190 How about the potential loss of your friendship? 192 00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,708 I mean, you are his best friend. 193 00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,353 — Yes. — Ben. 194 00:13:26,673 --> 00:13:29,737 I have to. If it's only thing that's gonna help George. 195 00:13:30,877 --> 00:13:32,437 Francine: I can't. Sarah: Come on. 196 00:13:33,179 --> 00:13:34,609 He is my brother. 197 00:13:35,162 --> 00:13:37,452 Oh, Francine. That's why… 198 00:13:38,913 --> 00:13:43,003 That's why your ultimatum is the most important. 199 00:13:43,590 --> 00:13:45,364 Only when George realizes 200 00:13:45,892 --> 00:13:49,363 that he stands to loose everything and everyone, 201 00:13:49,763 --> 00:13:52,799 will he agree to accept the help and treatment 202 00:13:52,899 --> 00:13:54,673 he needs for his disease. 203 00:13:56,736 --> 00:13:57,994 I don't know. 204 00:13:58,605 --> 00:14:00,767 Come on, please. Do it for George. 205 00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:05,758 Okay. 206 00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:09,966 I want you all to remember 207 00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:13,874 that what you are doing here tonight, 208 00:14:14,821 --> 00:14:16,639 you are doing out of love. 209 00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:25,851 You love your friend George enough to tell him to go to hell. 210 00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:33,236 'Cause I want to ride the pony! 211 00:14:50,658 --> 00:14:52,851 To listen to your messages, press "1." 212 00:14:52,951 --> 00:14:54,902 Hey, Roger. What's up? It's Ben. 213 00:14:55,762 --> 00:14:57,666 …So, we are meeting tonight… 214 00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:01,590 …George… around 4. 215 00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:08,484 Alright. 216 00:15:08,874 --> 00:15:10,904 ********* woman's rib cage ******. 217 00:15:11,004 --> 00:15:13,272 Not dissimilar to a rotisserie chicken. 218 00:15:13,891 --> 00:15:15,739 Much of the entirety's useless, 219 00:15:15,839 --> 00:15:18,177 these will be disposed of as biowazard. 220 00:15:19,219 --> 00:15:20,362 Biowazard. 221 00:15:20,462 --> 00:15:21,755 Go your pup to the break. 222 00:15:21,855 --> 00:15:23,475 We have footage of a pack of dogs 223 00:15:23,575 --> 00:15:25,937 breaking into a morgue and eating a corpse. 224 00:15:26,226 --> 00:15:28,646 During our topscene. Don't go away. 225 00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:31,561 Bionic lobster! Bionic lobster! 226 00:15:44,077 --> 00:15:45,249 Hi, George! 227 00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:02,257 What do you want? 228 00:16:02,357 --> 00:16:04,900 Just thought we drop by, see how are you doing. 229 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:08,237 — Haven't seen you in a while. — We hung out like 3 days ago. 230 00:16:08,337 --> 00:16:09,764 Um, I meant them. 231 00:16:12,572 --> 00:16:14,732 Ben, what's going on? 232 00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:17,483 — Nothing, we are just… — Worried. 233 00:16:17,583 --> 00:16:19,800 That you think we are neglecting you. 234 00:16:20,914 --> 00:16:23,032 Hello, I have high perishables here. 235 00:16:50,910 --> 00:16:55,048 We are all here because we really care about you 236 00:16:55,148 --> 00:16:56,880 and we want to help you. 237 00:16:57,401 --> 00:16:59,606 This is going to be difficult for you. 238 00:16:59,706 --> 00:17:01,748 Well, for-for all of us, actually. 239 00:17:02,121 --> 00:17:05,318 However, I do have 1 request. That… 240 00:17:13,466 --> 00:17:15,584 That you give us a chance to talk 241 00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:19,521 and that you promise to listen. 242 00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:22,501 Even though this would be very very hard, 243 00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:26,497 uh, difficult, very difficult. 244 00:17:26,846 --> 00:17:32,401 But will you help us to help you by just 245 00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:38,186 listening? 246 00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:47,156 What is this? 247 00:17:48,334 --> 00:17:51,184 Is this some kind of an intervention or something? 248 00:17:58,678 --> 00:17:59,850 Oh, my God. 249 00:18:03,484 --> 00:18:05,131 This is an intervention. 250 00:18:05,231 --> 00:18:07,820 If you'll just hear us out, I am sure 251 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:12,192 that you will understand exactly why we feel the way we feel. 252 00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:14,238 Who are "we" and "us"? 253 00:18:15,189 --> 00:18:18,349 Who are "we" and "us", you keep talking about "we" and "us". 254 00:18:18,449 --> 00:18:20,698 I don't know who you are. Who are you? 255 00:18:21,401 --> 00:18:24,475 Oh, right, I'm Barbra. Hello. 256 00:18:25,972 --> 00:18:29,375 — What's he doing here? — I'm here for moral support. 257 00:18:29,475 --> 00:18:32,325 — I don't need your support. — Not you, you douche. 258 00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:36,211 I care about you as much as I care about the flies on my shit. 259 00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:39,277 Whose idea was this? 260 00:18:40,486 --> 00:18:41,444 Sarah? 261 00:18:43,823 --> 00:18:44,909 Francine? 262 00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:49,588 — Ben? — Yes. 263 00:18:51,497 --> 00:18:52,411 What? 264 00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:54,726 Yes, it was my idea. 265 00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:59,094 I just thought you'd lie about it. 266 00:18:59,194 --> 00:19:02,374 Look, I know you might be feeling a little angry right now. 267 00:19:03,409 --> 00:19:06,412 But if you refuse to participate 268 00:19:06,612 --> 00:19:08,644 or if you continue to interrupt 269 00:19:08,948 --> 00:19:11,754 then there could be serious serious consequences. 270 00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:17,947 So, lets talk about your addiction. 271 00:19:20,293 --> 00:19:22,669 Oh, it says here that you are a zombie. 272 00:19:23,896 --> 00:19:27,734 Is that a politically correct term? Zombie? 273 00:19:28,134 --> 00:19:31,156 I don't know what the kids are calling you these days. 274 00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:37,844 Well. Everyone here has something 275 00:19:37,944 --> 00:19:40,742 that they wish to share with you. 276 00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:42,595 Fine. 277 00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:45,775 Lets do this. 278 00:19:54,127 --> 00:19:58,438 George, you know that I've always loved you like a brother. 279 00:19:59,298 --> 00:20:01,976 I remember all the great times we had together 280 00:20:02,802 --> 00:20:06,029 like that camping trip that 2 of us took to your ***sammity, 281 00:20:06,129 --> 00:20:07,579 you remember that? 282 00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:09,739 You told me how to play guitar. 283 00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:12,699 But lately I've been really worried about you 284 00:20:12,799 --> 00:20:16,026 and I can't stay on a sideline and watch things getting worse. 285 00:20:16,126 --> 00:20:18,061 I love you too much for that. 286 00:20:19,252 --> 00:20:20,812 That's why I'm here. 287 00:20:21,020 --> 00:20:23,654 I'm here to help you confront your addiction. 288 00:20:23,856 --> 00:20:25,932 Your addiction of eating people. 289 00:20:26,425 --> 00:20:28,543 And to encourage you to get help, 290 00:20:28,761 --> 00:20:30,777 to enter rehab tonight. 291 00:20:32,598 --> 00:20:34,244 I miss the old George. 292 00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:36,966 And I want the old George back. 293 00:20:37,136 --> 00:20:38,824 The George that I love. 294 00:20:43,142 --> 00:20:44,830 Very good, Ben. 295 00:20:50,983 --> 00:20:53,833 Any friend that would say what you just said to me 296 00:20:55,521 --> 00:20:57,580 — is not really a friend. — What? 297 00:20:57,680 --> 00:20:59,992 — I just told you that I love you. — Next. 298 00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:01,896 George, this is hard for me. 299 00:21:03,429 --> 00:21:05,935 I'm afraid you are going to get mad at me. 300 00:21:06,061 --> 00:21:08,883 I know things have been tough since mom and dad died. 301 00:21:08,983 --> 00:21:09,804 Next. 302 00:21:09,904 --> 00:21:12,164 George, I was with you because I loved you. 303 00:21:12,264 --> 00:21:13,119 Next. 304 00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:14,954 Next. 305 00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:19,722 Tha… that's everyone. 306 00:21:24,050 --> 00:21:25,738 Can I hear Ben's again? 307 00:21:26,302 --> 00:21:28,987 The last time I was over here you just kept watching 308 00:21:29,087 --> 00:21:31,575 that Twilight Zone episode over and over again. 309 00:21:31,677 --> 00:21:34,076 "To Serve Man," it's my favorite episode. 310 00:21:34,176 --> 00:21:35,997 No, no. Your favorite episode 311 00:21:36,097 --> 00:21:38,957 used to be the one where Burgess Meredith breaks his glasses. 312 00:21:39,057 --> 00:21:40,331 That one makes me cry. 313 00:21:40,431 --> 00:21:42,359 I went to the bathroom to get a banding. 314 00:21:42,459 --> 00:21:44,362 And when I got back into the kitchen, 315 00:21:44,462 --> 00:21:46,748 you were leaking my blood off the knife. 316 00:21:46,848 --> 00:21:49,346 That wasn't blood, that was strawberry jam. 317 00:21:49,446 --> 00:21:52,359 — I was making a sandwich. — Well, I was making dinner! 318 00:21:52,459 --> 00:21:54,787 Well, I was hungry and I couldn't wait! 319 00:21:56,627 --> 00:21:58,204 When did you make him dinner? 320 00:21:58,304 --> 00:21:59,734 And I tried to introduce him to you, 321 00:21:59,834 --> 00:22:01,820 he said he would call and then he never called. 322 00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:04,197 What, you think I ate your date? 323 00:22:06,192 --> 00:22:07,836 Well, now I do. 324 00:22:08,794 --> 00:22:11,364 Is that it? Is it everything? 325 00:22:11,464 --> 00:22:14,634 All of your accusations because I can't help but feel 326 00:22:14,734 --> 00:22:16,937 that something's being concealed here. 327 00:22:17,037 --> 00:22:19,842 What is the next part of your diabolical little plan? 328 00:22:19,942 --> 00:22:21,929 Well, there is one more thing. 329 00:22:24,513 --> 00:22:26,526 Hey, Georgie! I hope she's 18, 330 00:22:26,626 --> 00:22:30,998 'cause this is going right on YouTube. Oh, my God! 331 00:22:32,936 --> 00:22:35,004 That was totally taken out of context. 332 00:22:35,104 --> 00:22:36,771 Out of context? You were eating him. 333 00:22:36,871 --> 00:22:38,507 Dude, you were eating another dude. 334 00:22:38,607 --> 00:22:41,130 — So? — So, I'm just saying about not trying to eat me. 335 00:22:41,230 --> 00:22:44,587 Steve, I'd love to eat you, but I'm all out of asshole helper. 336 00:22:46,487 --> 00:22:49,168 — Where are you going? — I have to meet some people. 337 00:22:49,268 --> 00:22:51,891 — Who? — You don't know. The Canadian. 338 00:22:52,738 --> 00:22:54,340 We are not done here. 339 00:22:54,974 --> 00:22:56,605 I have to go, I'm late. 340 00:22:56,705 --> 00:22:59,464 They are already waiting for me at the Moon Dragon Tavern. 341 00:22:59,564 --> 00:23:01,694 We have to find the level 15 vorpel sword, 342 00:23:01,794 --> 00:23:04,669 or otherwise the entire Thieves Guild will be overrun. 343 00:23:07,820 --> 00:23:09,982 And that's what I'm talking about. 344 00:23:12,024 --> 00:23:13,326 What was that? 345 00:23:14,593 --> 00:23:17,545 Is it time for you to take one of your crazy candies again? 346 00:23:17,645 --> 00:23:19,539 No, I think my muffins are done. 347 00:23:20,066 --> 00:23:21,969 Muff… You bake muffins. 348 00:23:22,369 --> 00:23:23,916 You never had any goals. 349 00:23:24,016 --> 00:23:26,247 That's because you had all the big goals, like 350 00:23:26,347 --> 00:23:29,590 "Ooh, lets go and get married," instead of the small stuff, like 351 00:23:30,100 --> 00:23:32,358 "Ooh, what are we gotta do on Thursday?" 352 00:23:32,458 --> 00:23:34,515 I am talking about the big picture. 353 00:23:35,098 --> 00:23:37,343 Thursday is little. And if you ask me, 354 00:23:37,443 --> 00:23:40,638 you do not let me start talking about things that are little. 355 00:23:43,936 --> 00:23:46,090 — Why are you here? — He is here for me. 356 00:23:46,190 --> 00:23:48,199 Oh, and you're supposed to be here for me. 357 00:23:48,299 --> 00:23:49,773 What, are you jealous? 358 00:23:51,364 --> 00:23:52,995 You met at "Target"! 359 00:23:53,095 --> 00:23:56,517 Damn straight, and I hit the bull's eye there, didn't I, Skippy? 360 00:23:59,038 --> 00:24:00,640 Don't call me "Skippy". 361 00:24:01,140 --> 00:24:04,936 In fact, I hit Sarah's bull's eye just before we came here today. 362 00:24:05,902 --> 00:24:08,684 Well, maybe next time you use the full caliber weapon. 363 00:24:08,784 --> 00:24:10,710 Oh, if I use the full caliber weapon, 364 00:24:10,810 --> 00:24:13,036 she'd shit herself, and forget her name. 365 00:24:13,619 --> 00:24:15,651 Don't talk about her like that. 366 00:24:16,122 --> 00:24:19,292 — Don't touch me. — Or what? 367 00:24:19,492 --> 00:24:21,438 You want a dance, is this it? 368 00:24:22,028 --> 00:24:25,137 You want me to dance, I'll dance. Come on. 369 00:24:25,865 --> 00:24:27,585 Bring it on, Gene Kelly. 370 00:24:27,685 --> 00:24:30,173 I think we are getting a little off-track. 371 00:24:42,715 --> 00:24:44,877 — *********** muffins. — Thank you. 372 00:24:50,589 --> 00:24:52,519 Stop, stop, stop. 373 00:25:04,835 --> 00:25:07,530 That's what you get when you go off on a tangent. 374 00:25:07,630 --> 00:25:09,003 You get the horn. 375 00:25:13,846 --> 00:25:17,782 Perhaps, this would be a good time to take a short break. 376 00:25:18,150 --> 00:25:20,582 To freshen up and to cool down. 377 00:25:22,154 --> 00:25:25,574 Lets resume in 15 minutes. 378 00:25:25,674 --> 00:25:26,674 Agreed? 379 00:25:28,460 --> 00:25:29,460 Agreed? 380 00:25:30,563 --> 00:25:31,477 Fine. 381 00:25:32,898 --> 00:25:36,178 I ate someone I need to report to the Thieves Guild anyway. 382 00:25:36,702 --> 00:25:39,208 That's corporate. I need to use the phone. 383 00:25:39,605 --> 00:25:41,908 I didn't know they still made beepers. 384 00:25:42,008 --> 00:25:44,358 Yeah, Steve does not believe in cell phones. 385 00:25:44,458 --> 00:25:46,160 He does not believe they exist? 386 00:25:46,260 --> 00:25:49,034 Oh, no, he knows they exist, he just doesn't use them. 387 00:25:49,399 --> 00:25:51,361 He says the waves cause cancer. 388 00:25:51,461 --> 00:25:53,673 What about the waves from the beeper? 389 00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:56,438 I have to go check on my muffins. 390 00:26:00,863 --> 00:26:02,535 That does not go very well. 391 00:26:02,635 --> 00:26:05,698 Oh, on the contrary, I found that to be 392 00:26:06,198 --> 00:26:08,835 a very productive and prolific 1st session. 393 00:26:09,435 --> 00:26:13,172 It was stimulating, insightful. And I found it 394 00:26:13,272 --> 00:26:17,761 profound and very promising, all-in-all extremely auspicious. 395 00:26:20,112 --> 00:26:21,930 Where is the pee-pee room? 396 00:26:22,648 --> 00:26:24,938 Um, off the front stairs on the left. 397 00:26:31,524 --> 00:26:33,986 — I need to get some air. — I'll join you. 398 00:26:38,531 --> 00:26:39,703 Here we go. 399 00:27:20,005 --> 00:27:22,218 — Roger. — Huh? 400 00:27:22,318 --> 00:27:23,502 Roger. 401 00:27:24,410 --> 00:27:27,178 — Over and out. — Oh, man, it's my name. 402 00:27:27,846 --> 00:27:29,148 Oh, hm, sorry. 403 00:27:34,286 --> 00:27:35,716 What's your name? 404 00:27:37,056 --> 00:27:37,928 Tom. 405 00:27:40,726 --> 00:27:42,200 What's in the box? 406 00:27:43,629 --> 00:27:45,059 That's my sample. 407 00:27:47,233 --> 00:27:48,577 A sperm sample? 408 00:27:49,368 --> 00:27:50,196 No. 409 00:27:51,337 --> 00:27:52,295 Go on. 410 00:27:53,606 --> 00:27:55,122 — I… — Get in there. 411 00:28:01,747 --> 00:28:04,079 — You are okay? — Define "okay". 412 00:28:05,651 --> 00:28:07,555 It's an adjective. It means, 413 00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:10,856 "feeling satisfactory or in satisfactory condition." 414 00:28:14,660 --> 00:28:16,950 How come you don't have a girlfriend? 415 00:28:17,129 --> 00:28:19,475 Oh, you sound like my mother. 416 00:28:20,081 --> 00:28:22,139 She asks you questions like that? 417 00:28:22,239 --> 00:28:24,177 Only every time I talked to her. 418 00:28:25,238 --> 00:28:27,233 "How come you don't have a girlfriend? 419 00:28:27,333 --> 00:28:28,845 You should have a girlfriend, 420 00:28:28,945 --> 00:28:32,168 even your brother Mike has a girlfriend, and he's almost 300 pounds." 421 00:28:32,978 --> 00:28:36,104 Oh, I can see why she asks. 422 00:28:37,149 --> 00:28:38,709 I mean, you're nice, 423 00:28:39,852 --> 00:28:41,942 kind, and generous. 424 00:28:43,589 --> 00:28:45,665 You are a really great guy, Ben. 425 00:28:46,925 --> 00:28:49,129 Any girl will be lucky to have you. 426 00:28:54,533 --> 00:28:56,265 (On the wood: "VORPEL.") 427 00:28:58,671 --> 00:29:00,961 Does anybody have a landline anymore? 428 00:29:34,973 --> 00:29:36,489 George: What are you doing? 429 00:29:37,443 --> 00:29:38,831 This is my room. 430 00:29:39,511 --> 00:29:42,705 And I would appreciate it if you would stop nosing around. 431 00:29:44,350 --> 00:29:47,156 Whatever, dink. I was just looking for a phone. 432 00:29:49,421 --> 00:29:51,711 So what's with the wallet collection? 433 00:29:54,259 --> 00:29:58,124 Oh, my God. Those are all the people you've eaten. 434 00:29:59,271 --> 00:30:00,599 That's not true. 435 00:30:00,699 --> 00:30:03,369 Oh, really? So, if I call the police, 436 00:30:03,869 --> 00:30:07,019 none of those people are gonna be listed as missing then? 437 00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:10,642 Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, you are so busted. 438 00:30:10,742 --> 00:30:13,764 Oh, wait, wait, wait, Steve. What do you think you do? 439 00:30:13,907 --> 00:30:15,196 I'm gonna tell? 440 00:30:15,296 --> 00:30:18,434 Be-be-be. Don't you think that maybe, just maybe, 441 00:30:18,534 --> 00:30:21,037 you're doing this to keep me and Sarah apart? 442 00:30:21,137 --> 00:30:24,008 Of course, that's what I'm doing it for, you jerk off. 443 00:30:26,225 --> 00:30:29,419 And when I tell her, she's never gonna speak to you again. 444 00:30:29,895 --> 00:30:31,755 Ever. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha… 445 00:30:43,398 --> 00:30:44,832 You are dead meat. 446 00:30:58,490 --> 00:30:59,362 Why? 447 00:31:13,939 --> 00:31:15,413 Did you hear that? 448 00:31:16,976 --> 00:31:19,931 Hi! Did-did you hear that? 449 00:31:20,031 --> 00:31:22,106 Yes, I did and it was disgusting. 450 00:31:23,482 --> 00:31:25,377 Oh, yes, oh. 451 00:31:27,419 --> 00:31:29,021 — Who was that? — Tom. 452 00:31:29,655 --> 00:31:31,387 — Who? — Tommy boy, baby. 453 00:31:32,624 --> 00:31:34,528 Wait, wait, I got something. 454 00:31:36,462 --> 00:31:39,372 Yeah. Uhum. Here we are. 455 00:31:49,808 --> 00:31:52,382 — It's a music? — I think so. 456 00:31:52,878 --> 00:31:56,385 You like this? I'll make you a copy if you like. 457 00:31:56,782 --> 00:31:57,696 Okay. 458 00:31:58,183 --> 00:32:00,129 Roger, when did you get here? 459 00:32:00,552 --> 00:32:03,960 What are you talking about, man? I've been here since Thursday. 460 00:32:06,258 --> 00:32:08,892 Love to shaking a dick, man, I just got here. 461 00:32:09,198 --> 00:32:11,005 Off the Six Flags on Thursday. 462 00:32:11,105 --> 00:32:13,663 — Are you drunk? — What are you talking about? 463 00:32:15,067 --> 00:32:17,494 I mean, shit, this is a party, you drink. 464 00:32:17,594 --> 00:32:19,387 What? You went to a party? 465 00:32:21,206 --> 00:32:23,926 Funny, funny, okay. 466 00:32:25,744 --> 00:32:27,432 I'm gonna go make a call. 467 00:32:27,913 --> 00:32:30,604 Alright? Okay? Uh? 468 00:32:32,084 --> 00:32:35,354 I don't think he realizes this is an intervention. 469 00:32:35,454 --> 00:32:37,472 I think he thinks it's a party. 470 00:32:37,572 --> 00:32:40,684 Oh, really, wow. What's **********? 471 00:32:51,069 --> 00:32:52,371 What are you…? 472 00:32:58,443 --> 00:32:59,793 What are you doing? 473 00:33:02,080 --> 00:33:03,596 What are you doing? 474 00:33:03,815 --> 00:33:05,547 You're eating something? 475 00:33:07,319 --> 00:33:08,235 No. 476 00:33:10,038 --> 00:33:11,238 No. Huh. 477 00:33:12,090 --> 00:33:14,338 You get this blood all over your mouth. 478 00:33:14,660 --> 00:33:16,220 What are you eating? 479 00:33:18,281 --> 00:33:19,968 What's behind your back? 480 00:33:20,068 --> 00:33:23,889 — This is a little embarrassing… — I want to see. I want to see it. 481 00:33:30,876 --> 00:33:32,522 Oh, that's disgusting. 482 00:33:32,911 --> 00:33:35,681 You are eating a leg. What is that? 483 00:33:37,249 --> 00:33:39,195 Where did you get it…? Am I…? 484 00:33:45,524 --> 00:33:47,493 Oh, my fucking God, 485 00:33:47,793 --> 00:33:50,771 you are eating my fucking leg. You are eating my leg! 486 00:33:55,500 --> 00:34:01,137 Baby, easy, little baby. Easy, ba… 487 00:34:07,379 --> 00:34:08,293 What? 488 00:34:10,182 --> 00:34:12,344 Promise me you won't scream first. 489 00:34:16,488 --> 00:34:19,163 I promise. Now get the fuck off me. 490 00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:29,672 Am I 491 00:34:31,637 --> 00:34:32,551 dead? 492 00:34:34,606 --> 00:34:36,918 — Yes. — You murdered me. 493 00:34:38,010 --> 00:34:39,511 It was an accident. 494 00:34:39,611 --> 00:34:43,282 Or, you fucking asshole. I mean, I knew you were jealous of me. 495 00:34:43,382 --> 00:34:47,633 And I told her, I said, "Babe, I love you, and he can't stand it." 496 00:34:48,153 --> 00:34:50,185 You know, how can you say that? 497 00:34:51,790 --> 00:34:55,156 You don't love Sarah, you… you don't love anyone but yourself. 498 00:34:55,627 --> 00:34:58,691 I don't love anybody as much as myself, big difference. 499 00:34:59,064 --> 00:35:00,710 You don't love her, I… 500 00:35:01,466 --> 00:35:03,877 — I love her. — No, you don't. 501 00:35:03,977 --> 00:35:05,927 You love videogames and raw meat. 502 00:35:06,027 --> 00:35:08,470 I love that stuff too, but I love her, damn it! 503 00:35:08,570 --> 00:35:11,271 Oh, yeah, really? Well, so, you have one of these, like… 504 00:35:14,012 --> 00:35:14,926 Shit. 505 00:35:16,581 --> 00:35:18,313 Reaching my left pocket. 506 00:35:20,952 --> 00:35:23,024 My other left pocket. 507 00:35:33,932 --> 00:35:35,190 What is this? 508 00:35:35,634 --> 00:35:38,011 That, you, big ignorant shit, 509 00:35:39,071 --> 00:35:41,674 is 5 carats. 5 fucking carats 510 00:35:42,074 --> 00:35:44,322 that says Sarah is gonna be my wife. 511 00:35:48,080 --> 00:35:49,768 You're getting married? 512 00:35:49,881 --> 00:35:51,441 What did I just say? 513 00:35:52,617 --> 00:35:56,335 I planned to pop in the question since we shipped your ass out of a rehab. 514 00:35:56,435 --> 00:35:58,158 You know, as soon as she finishes 515 00:35:58,258 --> 00:36:00,547 with this stupid attachment that she has to you, 516 00:36:00,647 --> 00:36:03,795 we are gonna settle down, went to a nice subprime mortgage, 517 00:36:04,329 --> 00:36:08,474 and she was gonna push out the next generation of corporate giants. 518 00:36:10,357 --> 00:36:13,185 Um, what are you… What are you doing with that leg? 519 00:36:13,285 --> 00:36:16,829 Hey, be careful with that, because ******* ******** ******* back on. 520 00:36:31,990 --> 00:36:33,506 Is this a bad time? 521 00:36:38,363 --> 00:36:40,267 I say, uh… You don't suppose 522 00:36:40,432 --> 00:36:42,938 that I can maybe interest you, guys, in a… 523 00:36:43,714 --> 00:36:45,011 You know, what? 524 00:36:45,111 --> 00:36:48,111 I left the product downstairs. If you'll just wait right… 525 00:36:49,374 --> 00:36:52,008 Not like that, you idiot, use it as a club! 526 00:36:57,716 --> 00:37:01,254 I don't know why I'm helping you, I should be yelling for my own now. 527 00:37:04,890 --> 00:37:07,437 Help! Help! Somebody, help! 528 00:37:22,307 --> 00:37:25,371 Dude, you really need to get rid of that fucking thing. 529 00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:17,566 Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. 530 00:38:18,096 --> 00:38:20,988 Oh, say, did you know you ran out of toilet paper? Here. 531 00:38:22,501 --> 00:38:24,319 You might wanna wash that. 532 00:38:25,337 --> 00:38:26,811 So, I was thinking 533 00:38:27,606 --> 00:38:29,889 that perhaps phase 2 534 00:38:30,475 --> 00:38:32,551 could just be George and myself. 535 00:38:34,045 --> 00:38:35,089 Phase 2. 536 00:38:38,216 --> 00:38:41,585 Now you listen to me, you little shit. 537 00:38:41,887 --> 00:38:43,791 This is my 1st intervention, 538 00:38:43,955 --> 00:38:46,629 and I'll be damned if you're gonna fuck it up. 539 00:38:46,729 --> 00:38:50,162 Or it will be successful. And you will be intervened 540 00:38:50,262 --> 00:38:54,032 whether you like it or not. Capisci? Good. 541 00:38:54,232 --> 00:38:56,136 Now sit your ass down. 542 00:39:02,240 --> 00:39:04,300 Where is everybody? 543 00:39:05,276 --> 00:39:07,308 Ooh, Francine's in the kitchen. 544 00:39:07,879 --> 00:39:10,385 Roger is drunk dialing out in the front yard. 545 00:39:10,749 --> 00:39:12,870 And Steve is… 546 00:39:16,188 --> 00:39:18,392 I'm gonna go look for Steve. 547 00:39:18,757 --> 00:39:21,832 Now if you look at the pie chart on page 24… 548 00:39:26,097 --> 00:39:28,259 George, this information is vital. 549 00:39:29,067 --> 00:39:31,615 It's the difference between life and death. 550 00:39:32,270 --> 00:39:34,344 I'm sorry… I'm… I'm just… 551 00:39:35,674 --> 00:39:38,394 I'm really hungry and when I get really hungry, 552 00:39:39,377 --> 00:39:41,281 I have trouble concentrating 553 00:39:41,546 --> 00:39:45,569 on anything… other than… eating. 554 00:39:46,918 --> 00:39:49,940 Just one more excuse placed on top of the excuse pile. 555 00:39:51,345 --> 00:39:53,561 Oh, well, now you're just mocking me. 556 00:39:53,661 --> 00:39:55,753 No, no, really, it's not my fault. 557 00:39:57,162 --> 00:39:59,280 You know, I don't need this shit. 558 00:39:59,865 --> 00:40:03,362 I could've been *******est, living in the lap of luxury, 559 00:40:03,462 --> 00:40:05,251 without a care in the world. 560 00:40:05,351 --> 00:40:07,814 I mean, why did I do it, why did I kill myself 561 00:40:07,972 --> 00:40:12,336 going to night school, studying, and learning, and taking tests. 562 00:40:13,211 --> 00:40:15,071 I'll tell you why I did it. 563 00:40:15,513 --> 00:40:19,697 I did it for you, George. I did it to help you. 564 00:40:20,585 --> 00:40:23,133 So, you need to pay attention to eating me… 565 00:40:25,223 --> 00:40:28,795 I trained for 6 months, I am certified, 566 00:40:29,127 --> 00:40:31,031 and I am juicy as s********. 567 00:40:33,631 --> 00:40:34,545 What? 568 00:40:35,166 --> 00:40:37,628 — George, are you going to eat me? — What? 569 00:40:38,270 --> 00:40:39,872 You heard me? Eat me. 570 00:40:40,605 --> 00:40:44,678 Eat me. Eat me. Eat me. 571 00:40:45,910 --> 00:40:49,181 George. George, are you listening to me? 572 00:40:50,982 --> 00:40:51,896 What? 573 00:40:52,117 --> 00:40:53,505 Eat me. Eat me. Eat me. 574 00:41:46,104 --> 00:41:48,008 At least I still have Helen. 575 00:42:16,501 --> 00:42:19,509 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 576 00:42:24,126 --> 00:42:25,663 Where did you come from? 577 00:42:25,763 --> 00:42:28,293 How long have you been here? Is there any way out? 578 00:42:31,015 --> 00:42:32,059 Helpful. 579 00:42:45,530 --> 00:42:48,402 Okay, okay, okay. 580 00:42:49,033 --> 00:42:51,974 Horrible wound, no pain, no pulse. 581 00:42:54,572 --> 00:42:56,648 I should probably call somebody. 582 00:42:56,975 --> 00:42:59,953 If only the company would've sprung for cell phones. 583 00:43:08,820 --> 00:43:10,638 It's my good Easter shirt! 584 00:43:12,665 --> 00:43:14,841 Now remember, let me do all the talking. 585 00:43:14,941 --> 00:43:17,104 — Why can't I? — Do you remember what happened 586 00:43:17,204 --> 00:43:20,069 the last time you tried to speak to a potential convert? 587 00:43:21,499 --> 00:43:22,413 Fine. 588 00:43:34,512 --> 00:43:38,118 My name is Elder John and this is Elder William. 589 00:43:41,319 --> 00:43:44,593 We are from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 590 00:43:44,693 --> 00:43:47,065 Are you familiar with our organization? 591 00:43:47,959 --> 00:43:50,163 Of course, I've skimmed Dianetics. 592 00:43:50,828 --> 00:43:54,236 Um, have you, guys, actually met John Travolta, what's he like? 593 00:43:57,802 --> 00:44:00,006 That's Scientology. We are Mormons. 594 00:44:00,471 --> 00:44:02,117 I know, I was teasing. 595 00:44:03,141 --> 00:44:05,345 You know, I met John Travolta once. 596 00:44:05,576 --> 00:44:09,156 It was at the premiere of The Punisher. I was standing in the lobby 597 00:44:09,347 --> 00:44:12,197 and he was walking across to go to the concession. 598 00:44:17,955 --> 00:44:21,363 Have you ever put any thought into your own personal salvation? 599 00:44:21,526 --> 00:44:23,860 As opposed to my impersonal salvation? 600 00:44:24,523 --> 00:44:26,357 You believe in the afterlife? 601 00:44:26,457 --> 00:44:30,043 I'm sorry, what exactly is the latter-day saint? 602 00:44:31,836 --> 00:44:34,900 Well, Joseph Smith termed the phrase "latter-day saint" 603 00:44:35,758 --> 00:44:37,879 in an effort to distinguish themselves 604 00:44:37,979 --> 00:44:40,377 from the followers of the early christian church, 605 00:44:40,477 --> 00:44:42,196 i.e., "former-day saints." 606 00:44:42,880 --> 00:44:45,837 I'm sorry. Um, could you excuse me for just a moment? 607 00:44:45,937 --> 00:44:48,681 I really have to go check on my snickerdoodles. 608 00:44:50,485 --> 00:44:52,188 Can I go to the bathroom? 609 00:44:52,288 --> 00:44:54,069 I don't know. Can you? 610 00:44:57,028 --> 00:45:00,262 Yes, you may use the restroom. 611 00:45:00,865 --> 00:45:03,113 Up the front stairs and to the left. 612 00:45:21,986 --> 00:45:23,288 Oh, my God. 613 00:45:41,573 --> 00:45:43,433 William: There you go, little buddy. 614 00:46:20,135 --> 00:46:22,251 William, we need to be moving along. 615 00:46:22,350 --> 00:46:24,466 We're still have 2 more houses to go to. 616 00:47:40,591 --> 00:47:41,677 Hey, guy! 617 00:47:55,573 --> 00:47:57,649 It's kind of thing happen often? 618 00:48:00,645 --> 00:48:01,817 Thought so. 619 00:48:11,622 --> 00:48:12,580 Hello! 620 00:48:38,716 --> 00:48:39,802 Oh, yeah. 621 00:48:57,034 --> 00:48:59,626 I'm going to the store to get some flour! 622 00:49:03,841 --> 00:49:05,013 Oh, my God. 623 00:49:13,384 --> 00:49:16,018 — What the fuck is this shit? — You are alive. 624 00:49:17,488 --> 00:49:20,556 — Well… — Thank God, thank God. Call 911. 625 00:49:23,160 --> 00:49:24,397 What happened? 626 00:49:24,497 --> 00:49:26,427 Yeah, hi, I'd like to report a… 627 00:49:26,798 --> 00:49:28,276 Hello. Hel… 628 00:49:29,076 --> 00:49:31,113 Hello, hello. Hello. 629 00:49:32,158 --> 00:49:33,274 I'm on hold. 630 00:49:33,374 --> 00:49:34,769 Who did this to you? 631 00:49:34,869 --> 00:49:36,931 Who the fuck do you think did this to me? 632 00:49:37,031 --> 00:49:37,974 George? 633 00:49:38,543 --> 00:49:41,177 Who else here has a history of eating people? 634 00:49:41,512 --> 00:49:44,534 I just can't picture George doing something like this. 635 00:49:44,782 --> 00:49:47,612 Yeah. You're right, honey, you are absolutely right. 636 00:49:47,712 --> 00:49:51,034 I, uh, ducktaped myself to the bed, and then I chop my own leg off 637 00:49:51,134 --> 00:49:54,205 to make it look like George did it! I confess, I confess. 638 00:49:54,892 --> 00:49:58,732 Oh, right! Jeez, you don't have to be such a jerk about it. 639 00:49:59,564 --> 00:50:00,522 Sorry. 640 00:50:01,966 --> 00:50:03,096 It's okay. 641 00:50:05,303 --> 00:50:06,777 Where is your leg? 642 00:50:07,872 --> 00:50:09,595 He… ate it. 643 00:50:10,908 --> 00:50:13,618 I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. 644 00:50:14,712 --> 00:50:16,635 At least you are still alive. 645 00:50:16,735 --> 00:50:18,446 Can you love half a man? 646 00:50:21,419 --> 00:50:23,667 Sweetie, why don't you have a pulse? 647 00:50:24,088 --> 00:50:25,457 Yeah, about that… 648 00:50:25,557 --> 00:50:28,261 — Oh, my God. — Now, before you jump to any conclusions… 649 00:50:28,361 --> 00:50:29,319 You're dead. 650 00:50:29,419 --> 00:50:31,384 It's not like it changes anything between us. 651 00:50:31,484 --> 00:50:33,649 It changes everything. You are a zombie. 652 00:50:33,831 --> 00:50:35,993 Yeah and I could still get it out. 653 00:50:37,969 --> 00:50:39,743 In fact I'm up right now. 654 00:50:40,104 --> 00:50:41,664 That's rigor mortis. 655 00:50:42,306 --> 00:50:45,169 I don't believe it. I don't believe it. 656 00:50:46,092 --> 00:50:47,948 My ex-boyfriend is a zombie, 657 00:50:48,048 --> 00:50:50,743 and now my current boyfriend is a zombie, that's it. 658 00:50:51,182 --> 00:50:54,285 I am done, I am done, I am through with love, 659 00:50:54,385 --> 00:50:56,633 I am never ever going to love again. 660 00:50:58,222 --> 00:51:00,340 I'm still your current boyfriend? 661 00:51:00,591 --> 00:51:04,277 Yes. Hello. Hi. Uh, I'd like to report of an eating. 662 00:51:06,030 --> 00:51:09,696 Well, our friend George is a zombie, and there've been a few eatings. 663 00:51:10,134 --> 00:51:11,994 That probably sounds weird. 664 00:51:12,536 --> 00:51:15,988 Oh, that doesn't sound weird. Good, well, can you send somebody? 665 00:51:18,142 --> 00:51:21,648 Okay. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, do you have the number? 666 00:51:23,047 --> 00:51:24,477 Okay, yeah, yeah. 667 00:51:26,632 --> 00:51:28,923 Yeah, yeah, want you… A pen, I need a pen. 668 00:51:29,023 --> 00:51:30,135 Left pocket. 669 00:51:32,209 --> 00:51:35,025 Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, can you tell me that again? 670 00:51:35,125 --> 00:51:38,736 1-800-555-2131. Great, thank you so much. 671 00:51:40,304 --> 00:51:41,834 — They are busy. — Busy? 672 00:51:41,934 --> 00:51:43,764 But they said if it's a zombie emergency 673 00:51:43,864 --> 00:51:45,764 to call the zombie technical support hotline. 674 00:51:45,864 --> 00:51:46,961 Give me that. 675 00:51:51,709 --> 00:51:52,925 Hi. Uh, hel… 676 00:51:54,478 --> 00:51:56,976 Hello? I'm on hold. 677 00:51:58,182 --> 00:51:59,698 ************* fine! 678 00:52:19,103 --> 00:52:22,160 Oh, shit. Oh, God, no. 679 00:52:24,542 --> 00:52:25,414 God! 680 00:52:44,395 --> 00:52:46,385 Anyone wanna make a booze run? 681 00:52:52,770 --> 00:52:57,489 Well, I guess this is out to the Jolly Roger then, babies. I'm gone. 682 00:53:01,675 --> 00:53:03,691 You, guys, are gonna untie me, or what? 683 00:53:03,791 --> 00:53:06,327 Wait a minute, we just need to ***suit a hotline***** first. 684 00:53:06,427 --> 00:53:08,326 Why? George is up walking around 685 00:53:09,420 --> 00:53:10,808 and eating legs! 686 00:53:11,689 --> 00:53:14,925 Because this whole zombie situation is getting out of hand. 687 00:53:15,398 --> 00:53:17,273 We just need more information. 688 00:53:17,373 --> 00:53:19,887 What about Barbra? I thought she was the expert. 689 00:53:19,987 --> 00:53:23,616 Barbra is an interventionist. She does not know anything about zombies. 690 00:54:04,408 --> 00:54:06,140 I can smell your brains. 691 00:54:07,845 --> 00:54:08,759 What? 692 00:54:09,547 --> 00:54:11,279 I can smell your brains. 693 00:54:12,116 --> 00:54:13,804 They smell pretty good. 694 00:54:15,519 --> 00:54:16,691 Like bacon. 695 00:54:27,798 --> 00:54:29,307 What are you doing? 696 00:54:29,407 --> 00:54:30,798 I'm getting ready. 697 00:54:30,898 --> 00:54:33,989 Are you crazy? We are in the middle of a residential neighborhood. 698 00:54:34,089 --> 00:54:36,366 — You want to get us arrested? — For what? 699 00:54:37,842 --> 00:54:39,272 For being stupid? 700 00:54:40,010 --> 00:54:42,472 They can't arrest you for that, trust me. 701 00:54:43,447 --> 00:54:45,049 Put your top back on. 702 00:54:46,550 --> 00:54:49,754 I can't. My nipples are hard now 703 00:54:49,854 --> 00:54:52,618 and they hurt when they rub up against the bra. 704 00:54:54,892 --> 00:54:56,280 Who is this guy? 705 00:55:00,865 --> 00:55:02,406 Who are you calling? 706 00:55:02,506 --> 00:55:05,874 I'm calling Slack. I want ***** know what the hell is going on. 707 00:55:06,871 --> 00:55:09,205 Oh, ask him if he tivos Top Model. 708 00:55:10,971 --> 00:55:12,938 Stay here, don't go anywhere. 709 00:55:13,038 --> 00:55:14,149 Don't move. 710 00:55:15,246 --> 00:55:16,806 Where are you going? 711 00:55:17,181 --> 00:55:18,827 Hey, Slack, it's Foxy. 712 00:55:40,905 --> 00:55:41,863 Hello? 713 00:55:43,507 --> 00:55:46,227 Can I just crack your head open like a coconut? 714 00:55:47,011 --> 00:55:49,613 Or stab a straw to your eye 715 00:55:49,713 --> 00:55:51,659 and just suck them right out. 716 00:55:53,084 --> 00:55:55,374 You know, Steve, you are a real dick. 717 00:55:55,886 --> 00:55:58,950 I've never really liked you and neither is anyone else. 718 00:55:59,123 --> 00:56:02,833 Like I give a *******, rat ass, like you or anybody else thinks of me. 719 00:56:06,797 --> 00:56:09,087 Ooh, what are you gonna do with that? 720 00:56:10,267 --> 00:56:13,031 It's make you feel like a big man, Benny boy? 721 00:56:16,073 --> 00:56:18,277 It must really suck to be a zombie. 722 00:56:18,475 --> 00:56:22,079 I mean, really, what it the life of a zombie? 723 00:56:22,446 --> 00:56:25,166 Do you really think they let you keep your job? 724 00:56:25,683 --> 00:56:29,479 Do you think, that mothers would buy baby clothes from a legless zombie? 725 00:56:32,156 --> 00:56:33,758 And what about Sarah? 726 00:56:34,084 --> 00:56:37,168 You think Sarah is gonna stay with you? She'll leave you 727 00:56:37,268 --> 00:56:39,132 as quick as she left George. 728 00:56:40,564 --> 00:56:44,511 You know, I actually be doing you a favor by killing you. 729 00:56:45,569 --> 00:56:49,733 It would be a humanitarian act on my part. A mercy killing. 730 00:56:51,675 --> 00:56:52,633 Hello? 731 00:56:59,083 --> 00:57:01,159 Where are you, ***for the party? 732 00:57:09,727 --> 00:57:11,587 ********** ******* *******. 733 00:57:13,664 --> 00:57:14,966 Anyone hiding? 734 00:57:41,458 --> 00:57:42,630 Oh, my God. 735 00:57:46,869 --> 00:57:48,790 This isn't what it looks like. 736 00:57:48,890 --> 00:57:50,520 Okay, brains, I get it. 737 00:57:50,668 --> 00:57:53,732 It's been brains every time with you. Alright, my turn. 738 00:57:53,837 --> 00:57:59,515 I spy with my little eye something that begins with the letter… 739 00:58:05,482 --> 00:58:06,698 "T" and "A." 740 00:58:08,819 --> 00:58:10,077 No, it's the… 741 00:58:11,655 --> 00:58:13,773 You know, what? 1 more and I win. 742 00:58:18,128 --> 00:58:21,434 You're right, Ben. You're absolutely right. 743 00:58:22,867 --> 00:58:24,771 I don't want to be a zombie. 744 00:58:25,169 --> 00:58:27,803 I don't want to eat people. I'm a vegetarian. 745 00:58:28,972 --> 00:58:30,704 Put me out of my misery. 746 00:58:31,408 --> 00:58:35,408 I don't wanna be hobbling around out there like… them. 747 00:58:36,513 --> 00:58:39,577 Hi, yeah, is this the zombie technical support hotline? 748 00:58:40,350 --> 00:58:43,328 Oh, great. I've got to be to a zombie situation here. 749 00:58:43,587 --> 00:58:47,120 Please, I don't want to be a zombie. 750 00:58:48,225 --> 00:58:50,463 I can't, I won't. 751 00:58:53,063 --> 00:58:55,370 Do it. Shoot me. 752 00:58:56,600 --> 00:58:58,341 Come on. Shoot me. 753 00:58:58,677 --> 00:59:01,934 Okay. So, in order to kill a zombie, you shoot them in the head. 754 00:59:02,034 --> 00:59:03,058 Shoot me! 755 00:59:09,646 --> 00:59:11,429 Oh, fuck! 756 00:59:12,549 --> 00:59:15,669 Oh, you don't shoot them in the head. 757 00:59:24,661 --> 00:59:26,263 What you do that for? 758 00:59:27,164 --> 00:59:30,534 — You asked me to. — I was fucking with you. 759 00:59:30,634 --> 00:59:33,440 How was I supposed to know that? You were crying. 760 00:59:37,341 --> 00:59:41,104 Oh, fuck, that, oh. 761 00:59:41,612 --> 00:59:43,946 Oh, fucking, wow. 762 00:59:45,249 --> 00:59:46,809 What's the word? Aw. 763 00:59:48,552 --> 00:59:49,466 Hurt? 764 00:59:51,555 --> 00:59:52,771 Who are you? 765 00:59:54,158 --> 00:59:55,952 Um, Sarah? 766 00:59:56,527 --> 00:59:59,061 Hello. Hello, hello… 767 01:00:00,458 --> 01:00:01,901 You are on hold again? 768 01:00:02,001 --> 01:00:03,444 No, your battery died. 769 01:00:07,137 --> 01:00:10,538 — Why did you shoot him? — Because he asked me to. 770 01:00:19,683 --> 01:00:22,187 So, what at the zombie hotline say? 771 01:00:23,255 --> 01:00:26,475 Well, apparently, shooting them in the head doesn't kill them. 772 01:00:26,575 --> 01:00:28,431 It just destroys their brain. 773 01:00:28,531 --> 01:00:32,417 Who's the babe? Whooooo's the baby? 774 01:00:32,717 --> 01:00:34,463 And that doesn't kill them? 775 01:00:34,563 --> 01:00:36,593 No. It just makes them brain-dead. 776 01:00:36,900 --> 01:00:39,878 And brain-dead zombies are the really dangerous ones. 777 01:00:58,021 --> 01:01:00,569 So, I am thinking about growing a mustache. 778 01:01:13,537 --> 01:01:15,644 So, there is no way to kill them? 779 01:01:15,744 --> 01:01:16,653 Well… 780 01:01:17,574 --> 01:01:18,488 What? 781 01:01:19,203 --> 01:01:21,034 The only way to kill a zombie 782 01:01:21,134 --> 01:01:25,343 is to cut off its body into a bunch of little bitty pieces 783 01:01:25,916 --> 01:01:27,132 and burn it. 784 01:01:29,633 --> 01:01:31,070 What about George? 785 01:01:31,170 --> 01:01:34,398 Uh, he ate Steve. Who knows how many other people he's eaten? 786 01:01:34,498 --> 01:01:36,523 We do the only thing we can do. 787 01:01:39,463 --> 01:01:41,453 We turn them over to the cops. 788 01:01:42,499 --> 01:01:45,035 Oh. Oh, God. Okay. Yeah. 789 01:01:45,335 --> 01:01:48,071 I… I just, I thought you gonna say 790 01:01:48,171 --> 01:01:50,977 that we have to cut George up into little pieces. 791 01:01:52,943 --> 01:01:55,696 Come on, help me find something to dismember Steve with. 792 01:01:55,796 --> 01:01:56,693 Okay. 793 01:02:01,117 --> 01:02:02,719 Ha-ha, return! 794 01:02:06,857 --> 01:02:08,717 Where the fuck is everyone?! 795 01:02:12,329 --> 01:02:13,459 Seriously! 796 01:02:20,237 --> 01:02:21,925 We get to call cops. 797 01:02:22,072 --> 01:02:24,062 My phone is in the Steve's car. 798 01:02:32,516 --> 01:02:33,990 Maybe it's locked. 799 01:02:36,153 --> 01:02:37,239 Backdoor. 800 01:02:37,394 --> 01:02:39,023 Backdoor is locked too. 801 01:02:39,123 --> 01:02:41,338 — Are you sure? — Pretty sure. 802 01:02:41,858 --> 01:02:45,008 — Francine, what are you doing? — No one's going anywhere. 803 01:02:45,508 --> 01:02:48,103 — Check the windows. — It wouldn't do any good. 804 01:02:48,203 --> 01:02:51,506 My parents had anti-theft bars installed before they died. 805 01:02:52,269 --> 01:02:53,957 Why are you doing this? 806 01:02:54,804 --> 01:02:56,406 I heard you plotting. 807 01:02:57,407 --> 01:02:59,397 We turn them over to the cops. 808 01:02:59,843 --> 01:03:03,077 — What? Why? — Because you ate Steve. 809 01:03:04,381 --> 01:03:07,888 Oh, yeah. But I didn't kill Barbra and the others. 810 01:03:08,318 --> 01:03:09,620 Barbra's dead? 811 01:03:10,787 --> 01:03:12,003 What others? 812 01:03:12,384 --> 01:03:15,593 — The Mormons and the strippers? — There were Mormons and strippers? 813 01:03:15,693 --> 01:03:18,390 I did kill the other guy, but that was an accident. Sort of. 814 01:03:18,490 --> 01:03:19,669 What other guy? 815 01:03:19,769 --> 01:03:22,039 I don't know, I've never seen him before. 816 01:03:22,139 --> 01:03:25,200 So, if you didn't kill the others, who did? 817 01:03:34,277 --> 01:03:37,242 Oh. Oh, guys! You gotta help me out of here. 818 01:03:39,216 --> 01:03:43,146 You gotta get me out of this cage, come on. Yes. Yes. 819 01:03:48,992 --> 01:03:51,540 Or go get help. Go get help. Yes, yes, please! 820 01:03:51,828 --> 01:03:55,366 Not like the wind***or like a lumbering decomposing freeze. 821 01:03:57,400 --> 01:03:59,174 Well, Georgie has to eat. 822 01:04:00,459 --> 01:04:03,286 And lets face it, he's never been much of a hunter, 823 01:04:03,386 --> 01:04:06,186 so he's been more of a gatherer. 824 01:04:08,011 --> 01:04:09,743 So, you killed everybody. 825 01:04:18,054 --> 01:04:20,904 Someone had to, otherwise Georgie would go hungry. 826 01:04:22,392 --> 01:04:24,922 There's the birthday boy. 827 01:04:25,362 --> 01:04:27,868 Georgie porgie, he likes to orgy, come in. 828 01:04:30,700 --> 01:04:34,582 Jesus, Georgie, you gotta stop partying so hard, okay? You look like shit. 829 01:04:35,505 --> 01:04:36,463 Roger. 830 01:04:37,774 --> 01:04:39,032 I'm a zombie! 831 01:04:41,544 --> 01:04:43,018 How do you figure? 832 01:04:45,250 --> 01:04:46,902 Ben, what are you doing? 833 01:04:47,002 --> 01:04:48,777 Francine, unlock the house. 834 01:04:50,153 --> 01:04:50,981 No. 835 01:04:53,190 --> 01:04:54,560 Give me the drill. 836 01:04:54,660 --> 01:04:56,268 You are not gonna shoot me. 837 01:04:56,368 --> 01:04:58,430 — Really? I shot Steve. — It's true. 838 01:04:59,463 --> 01:05:01,925 Steve was already dead when you shot him. 839 01:05:03,466 --> 01:05:04,596 It's true. 840 01:05:09,406 --> 01:05:11,482 Are those the strippers I hired? 841 01:05:16,713 --> 01:05:18,229 Who are those guys? 842 01:05:59,089 --> 01:06:00,089 Nooooo! 843 01:06:07,097 --> 01:06:10,042 What? Hardcastle and McCormick? 844 01:06:11,067 --> 01:06:13,055 No, no, no, man, no. 845 01:06:13,533 --> 01:06:17,158 That's like… that's like "Snorks" over "Smurfs", man. If you want action, 846 01:06:17,258 --> 01:06:20,840 if you want real action on television, you gotta go with "Airwolf". 847 01:06:21,278 --> 01:06:23,396 Jan-Michael, hence and now, he… 848 01:06:24,881 --> 01:06:26,527 Oh, he was a god. 849 01:06:28,085 --> 01:06:30,136 Tom: Hey! Sarah: Who are you? 850 01:06:30,236 --> 01:06:33,360 I'm Tom. I'm a salesman. Are you… are you in the gardening? 851 01:06:33,460 --> 01:06:36,378 You look like… you look like you are in the gardening. 852 01:06:36,643 --> 01:06:38,202 What happened to you? 853 01:06:38,302 --> 01:06:40,948 What do you think happened to him? Look at him. 854 01:07:06,923 --> 01:07:10,013 Ben, if we make it outta this alive… 855 01:07:10,213 --> 01:07:11,472 I will make it out. 856 01:07:12,662 --> 01:07:15,610 I was thinking, um, 857 01:07:16,266 --> 01:07:17,654 you know, maybe… 858 01:07:18,535 --> 01:07:22,250 maybe you and I could, ah… Well, you know, maybe… 859 01:07:23,406 --> 01:07:24,450 I'm gay. 860 01:07:26,276 --> 01:07:27,362 Shit. 861 01:07:33,116 --> 01:07:36,094 Um… We should probably find a way out of here. 862 01:07:37,020 --> 01:07:38,924 Why didn't you say anything? 863 01:07:39,255 --> 01:07:41,717 Why did you just let me embarrass myself? 864 01:07:41,851 --> 01:07:44,747 We just cut up your boyfriend into million little pieces. 865 01:07:44,847 --> 01:07:46,963 Even if I was not gay, I just be rebound. 866 01:07:47,063 --> 01:07:49,661 — Yeah, but… — Can we just talk about this later? 867 01:07:50,100 --> 01:07:51,014 Fine. 868 01:07:53,270 --> 01:07:56,076 There's got to be a window around here somewhere. 869 01:07:58,671 --> 01:08:00,774 I wouldn't go over there if I were you. 870 01:08:00,874 --> 01:08:02,140 — Why not? — Just… 871 01:08:15,859 --> 01:08:17,075 Told you so. 872 01:09:29,098 --> 01:09:38,815 Nooooo! 873 01:09:43,713 --> 01:09:45,343 — Um? — Hell, yes. 874 01:09:45,882 --> 01:09:50,106 Hey, hey, you can't leave me down here like this! Come on! 875 01:09:51,955 --> 01:09:53,041 Assholes! 876 01:09:55,358 --> 01:09:56,616 What's wrong? 877 01:09:57,227 --> 01:09:58,443 It's locked. 878 01:10:02,065 --> 01:10:03,023 Hello? 879 01:10:05,702 --> 01:10:06,660 Hello? 880 01:10:11,107 --> 01:10:12,065 Hello? 881 01:10:15,945 --> 01:10:16,903 Hello? 882 01:10:40,203 --> 01:10:41,461 Did you know? 883 01:10:45,041 --> 01:10:47,547 — So, now what do we do? — You keep trying. 884 01:10:52,716 --> 01:10:53,674 Hello? 885 01:10:54,784 --> 01:10:58,538 Somebody? We trapped down here. Roger? 886 01:10:59,122 --> 01:11:00,080 Hello? 887 01:11:00,590 --> 01:11:03,660 George, George! George, open the door. 888 01:11:03,760 --> 01:11:06,566 Sarah and I are trapped down here, open the door. 889 01:11:08,131 --> 01:11:09,877 — No. — What? 890 01:11:10,166 --> 01:11:11,573 You heard me, no! 891 01:11:11,673 --> 01:11:14,604 George, please. I'm your best friend. 892 01:11:14,904 --> 01:11:18,226 Yeah, best friends don't call the cops on other best friends. 893 01:11:19,308 --> 01:11:21,445 Oh, yeah, about that… 894 01:11:21,845 --> 01:11:25,311 George, it's Sarah. Open the door, please. 895 01:11:29,285 --> 01:11:31,145 It's time to have some fun. 896 01:11:43,366 --> 01:11:44,840 Tell your friends. 897 01:11:55,345 --> 01:11:56,991 George, open the door. 898 01:12:04,721 --> 01:12:06,151 Francine is dead. 899 01:12:08,565 --> 01:12:10,970 — I'm sorry, buddy. — Where are so sorry. 900 01:12:14,430 --> 01:12:15,560 Ah! Shoot. 901 01:12:16,700 --> 01:12:19,786 — Sarah? — George, open the door. Hurry. 902 01:12:21,531 --> 01:12:24,279 Promise, you won't turn me over to the cops first. 903 01:12:24,379 --> 01:12:27,192 Ben: What? George: Promise you won't turn me over to the cops. 904 01:12:27,292 --> 01:12:29,389 Can we, please, talk about this later? 905 01:12:29,489 --> 01:12:31,483 No, we need to talk about this now. 906 01:12:31,614 --> 01:12:35,408 George: Give me your word, no cops, promise. Ben: Alright, fine, I promise. 907 01:12:36,419 --> 01:12:37,377 Hurry! 908 01:12:42,092 --> 01:12:43,738 George, open the door! 909 01:12:51,667 --> 01:12:54,416 Okay. This party sucks. 910 01:12:59,976 --> 01:13:01,234 How did you…? 911 01:13:02,112 --> 01:13:03,242 Don't ask. 912 01:13:04,314 --> 01:13:05,400 Backdoor. 913 01:13:15,583 --> 01:13:17,542 — It's locked. — Francine's drill. 914 01:13:17,642 --> 01:13:20,715 — Where is it? — The living room. I saw it in the living room. 915 01:13:26,403 --> 01:13:27,619 I'll get it. 916 01:13:33,276 --> 01:13:35,438 ************** been the hero, huh? 917 01:14:04,240 --> 01:14:06,943 Ben, I just want you to know that 918 01:14:07,443 --> 01:14:09,605 I'm totally okay that you are gay. 919 01:14:12,014 --> 01:14:14,218 You're gay? When did that happen? 920 01:14:16,753 --> 01:14:18,743 Wait here, I'll be right back. 921 01:14:21,591 --> 01:14:23,279 What did you do to him? 922 01:14:30,800 --> 01:14:32,746 Oh, God, Rodge. What happened? 923 01:14:34,203 --> 01:14:35,117 What? 924 01:14:36,172 --> 01:14:38,290 Came out of nowhere. Fucking arm. 925 01:14:39,409 --> 01:14:41,485 I think I had *****************. 926 01:14:41,744 --> 01:14:42,601 Okay. 927 01:14:42,701 --> 01:14:44,276 I'm going to check on Ben. 928 01:14:44,376 --> 01:14:47,178 Wait! No. Don't go, I'd be alone… 929 01:14:47,478 --> 01:14:50,216 And… and the back of my head itches. 930 01:14:52,842 --> 01:14:55,173 Okay, let me… let me get you out of here. 931 01:14:55,273 --> 01:14:58,230 No, no, no, no, no. You gotta save yourself, man. 932 01:14:59,696 --> 01:15:03,413 I'm ***abolished. Captain is gonna go down with the ship. 933 01:15:03,900 --> 01:15:07,266 No, no, no, Rodge, come on, man. Don't say that, you'll be fine. 934 01:15:11,908 --> 01:15:15,660 Oh, yeah. Can you go a little bit to the right? Just a little bit down? 935 01:15:16,889 --> 01:15:19,488 Like an inch to the left to the occipital bone? 936 01:15:19,588 --> 01:15:21,010 You know, where that is? 937 01:15:21,110 --> 01:15:22,361 That, yeah, oh. 938 01:15:26,198 --> 01:15:28,358 Forgive me, Father, for I've sinned. 939 01:15:28,458 --> 01:15:30,122 Roger, I'm not a priest. 940 01:15:31,660 --> 01:15:33,178 It's been 6… 941 01:15:33,729 --> 01:15:38,271 no, 7… 7 years since my last confession. 942 01:15:38,534 --> 01:15:40,278 Roger, I'm not… 943 01:15:42,005 --> 01:15:43,693 Fuck it. Go on, my son. 944 01:15:44,273 --> 01:15:45,403 Since then 945 01:15:46,909 --> 01:15:48,855 I've had sex out of marriage. 946 01:15:53,950 --> 01:15:54,864 And…? 947 01:15:57,253 --> 01:15:58,167 Kill… 948 01:16:10,633 --> 01:16:13,095 That's why I can never go back to Georgia… 949 01:16:16,606 --> 01:16:17,778 On Florida… 950 01:16:21,626 --> 01:16:24,191 Oh, God. I didn't mean it. 951 01:16:25,715 --> 01:16:27,231 I did mean it, but… 952 01:16:33,122 --> 01:16:34,982 It's your turn now, Father. 953 01:16:35,724 --> 01:16:37,482 What? Oh, um… 954 01:16:39,596 --> 01:16:42,554 I forgive you in the name of the Father 955 01:16:43,299 --> 01:16:45,983 and the Son, and Holy Ghost. 956 01:16:47,737 --> 01:16:48,953 Go in peace. 957 01:16:52,808 --> 01:16:54,324 In Latin, Father. 958 01:17:00,049 --> 01:17:01,221 Carpe diem? 959 01:17:17,333 --> 01:17:18,849 — Uh, Sarah? — What? 960 01:17:22,238 --> 01:17:24,184 Oh, shit! God, you scared me. 961 01:17:31,914 --> 01:17:33,732 I've got Francine's drill. 962 01:17:37,680 --> 01:17:39,761 Oh, you gotta be fucking kidding me. 963 01:17:39,861 --> 01:17:42,261 That's actually my drill. And, uh… 964 01:17:43,643 --> 01:17:44,943 I can fix it. 965 01:18:03,679 --> 01:18:06,357 — We gotta need better weapons. — You're right. 966 01:18:26,384 --> 01:18:28,452 Weapons, weapons, weapons, weapons… 967 01:18:28,552 --> 01:18:29,773 Hey, guy! Hey! 968 01:18:32,375 --> 01:18:34,751 Oh, it's you. Hey, you've got a minute? 969 01:18:34,917 --> 01:18:36,775 — No. — Oh, that's a real shame 970 01:18:36,875 --> 01:18:40,098 because I think I got the answer to all of your gardening needs. 971 01:18:40,617 --> 01:18:43,939 You know, that may be least you can do on account of 972 01:18:44,754 --> 01:18:47,088 killing me and locking me in the cage. 973 01:18:49,259 --> 01:18:51,033 You kinda ruined my life. 974 01:18:54,296 --> 01:18:55,926 — Fine. — Alright. 975 01:18:57,867 --> 01:18:58,997 Get ready. 976 01:19:02,572 --> 01:19:03,486 Yeah? 977 01:19:16,619 --> 01:19:17,433 Yeah. 978 01:20:06,428 --> 01:20:09,148 See, George, that's Slap Happy Netix technology 979 01:20:09,248 --> 01:20:11,590 that makes the wind near 3000 possible. 980 01:20:11,690 --> 01:20:14,283 670 horse powers. 800 pounds of torque. 981 01:20:15,011 --> 01:20:18,128 Titanium bleeds that just won't quit. 982 01:20:19,282 --> 01:20:20,626 How much is it? 983 01:20:21,083 --> 01:20:22,857 Only 37 payments of 9.95, 984 01:20:23,486 --> 01:20:26,980 like a gentle breeze blown through your bank account every month. 985 01:20:27,356 --> 01:20:29,002 How do you turn it on? 986 01:20:29,284 --> 01:20:30,724 Are you kidding me? 987 01:20:30,824 --> 01:20:33,327 Any breathe on this fucker ***hard nap shall crank her right up. 988 01:20:34,563 --> 01:20:36,165 I don't breathe much. 989 01:20:37,867 --> 01:20:39,599 Well, there is a button. 990 01:20:53,916 --> 01:20:56,078 It's how I'm gonna put you down, whore! 991 01:21:25,881 --> 01:21:29,909 1, 2, 3, 4! I'm the ***man of fucking ***Gore! 992 01:21:43,733 --> 01:21:45,433 …motherfuckers! 993 01:21:53,342 --> 01:21:55,976 You know, the guy was right about this thing. 994 01:21:56,145 --> 01:21:58,307 More than sorry that I killed him with it. 995 01:22:01,150 --> 01:22:04,693 I'm… Found this in your room. 996 01:22:05,855 --> 01:22:07,501 You are a suicide now. 997 01:22:07,757 --> 01:22:10,709 George, you killed yourself? 998 01:22:11,009 --> 01:22:11,910 No. 999 01:22:12,595 --> 01:22:13,853 But the note? 1000 01:22:14,997 --> 01:22:16,213 I was gonna. 1001 01:22:16,932 --> 01:22:19,792 That's why I got the gun, but… 1002 01:22:22,438 --> 01:22:24,556 in the end I just couldn't do it. 1003 01:22:25,307 --> 01:22:27,322 Then… how did you die? 1004 01:22:30,546 --> 01:22:31,976 I choked to death 1005 01:22:33,549 --> 01:22:35,723 — on a fish stick. — What? 1006 01:22:36,251 --> 01:22:39,487 — You don't even like fish. — I know, it's ironic, isn't it? 1007 01:22:41,290 --> 01:22:42,334 Oh, you… 1008 01:22:51,700 --> 01:22:53,432 Thank you for saving us. 1009 01:23:00,075 --> 01:23:01,721 — Ew. — Yeah, I'm dead. 1010 01:23:04,413 --> 01:23:07,693 So, you think, you can use that thing to cut us out of here? 1011 01:23:07,950 --> 01:23:09,510 I don't see why not. 1012 01:23:19,695 --> 01:23:22,201 Franny, what are you doing, are you crazy? 1013 01:23:23,265 --> 01:23:27,317 Crazy? Crazy, is it crazy for me to wanna protect you? 1014 01:23:28,304 --> 01:23:31,282 I don't need you to protect me, not like this! 1015 01:23:32,284 --> 01:23:35,362 But I did it for you, Georgie, I did all of this for you. 1016 01:23:35,462 --> 01:23:37,611 I don't need you to take care of me. 1017 01:23:37,711 --> 01:23:41,142 I am a big boy, I need to grow up and take responsibility for myself! 1018 01:23:41,242 --> 01:23:43,312 — But… — I can take care of myself. 1019 01:23:46,155 --> 01:23:48,015 How can you say that to me? 1020 01:23:50,292 --> 01:23:52,454 It's been a long time coming, sis. 1021 01:23:54,096 --> 01:23:57,676 — It's because of her, isn't it? — No, it's not. It's because of me. 1022 01:23:59,802 --> 01:24:01,576 I don't need you anymore. 1023 01:24:43,812 --> 01:24:45,242 Oh, shit, Franny. 1024 01:24:55,424 --> 01:24:58,230 I'm really sorry that I put you in awkward position earlier. 1025 01:25:00,363 --> 01:25:01,493 It's okay. 1026 01:25:02,898 --> 01:25:05,823 You know, if I liked girls like… 1027 01:25:07,130 --> 01:25:08,509 like that, I… 1028 01:25:09,872 --> 01:25:11,346 I'd like you a lot. 1029 01:25:14,010 --> 01:25:17,160 That's is the nicest thing that somebody ever told me. 1030 01:25:19,415 --> 01:25:20,759 That's a shame. 1031 01:25:48,210 --> 01:25:49,124 Fuck. 1032 01:25:53,816 --> 01:25:55,204 (3 months later) 1033 01:26:02,525 --> 01:26:04,781 Hello. If you're watching this video, 1034 01:26:04,881 --> 01:26:07,613 than that means someone you care about, 1035 01:26:07,713 --> 01:26:09,731 someone you love is a zombie. 1036 01:26:10,132 --> 01:26:11,906 My name is Sarah Stevens, 1037 01:26:12,034 --> 01:26:14,754 and I am a professional zombie interventionist. 1038 01:26:18,841 --> 01:26:20,959 Now, you might be asking yourself, 1039 01:26:21,309 --> 01:26:23,685 "Is an intervention the best approach?" 1040 01:26:24,179 --> 01:26:27,509 and, "Is now the right time for an intervention?" 1041 01:26:28,117 --> 01:26:31,551 The answer to both if these questions is "yes"! 1042 01:26:31,987 --> 01:26:34,493 With my help and the help of my assistant 1043 01:26:41,630 --> 01:26:44,866 we can walk you through a zombie intervention step-by-step. 1044 01:26:45,968 --> 01:26:47,656 (Dramatic Re-enactment) 1045 01:26:51,840 --> 01:26:56,181 Hey, what's going on here? Is this some kind of an intervention? 1046 01:26:57,270 --> 01:26:59,859 We're all here because we really care about you 1047 01:26:59,959 --> 01:27:01,484 and want to help you. 1048 01:27:02,151 --> 01:27:05,930 Very good, it was excellent! Isn't that good? 1049 01:27:07,514 --> 01:27:10,226 Judy: When my 4th husband became a zombie 1050 01:27:10,926 --> 01:27:12,643 I was at my wits' end. 1051 01:27:12,743 --> 01:27:14,592 I just couldn't bare the thought 1052 01:27:14,692 --> 01:27:17,063 of going through another messy dismemberment. 1053 01:27:17,700 --> 01:27:21,280 Luckily, a friend recommended Sarah Stevens, zombie interventionist. 1054 01:27:22,037 --> 01:27:24,801 Now my husband Harry is on the road to recovery. 1055 01:27:25,741 --> 01:27:27,645 Although he did eat our cat. 1056 01:27:28,844 --> 01:27:30,360 And our son, Peter. 1057 01:27:32,414 --> 01:27:36,208 So, why hire me, Sarah Stevens? 1058 01:27:36,885 --> 01:27:40,390 Lets just say I know a thing or 2 about zombie interventions. 1059 01:27:40,990 --> 01:27:43,582 (Evan's Institute for Zombie Rehabilitation) 1060 01:27:43,959 --> 01:27:46,522 ("Dr. Kaufman" Winner-2006 Noble Prize for Science) 1061 01:27:46,622 --> 01:27:51,285 Our success rate is-is up now to 27.5%. 1062 01:27:51,883 --> 01:27:53,929 Uh, would be better but, unfortunately, 1063 01:27:54,029 --> 01:27:57,153 many of out patients are decomposing at this very moment. 1064 01:27:58,106 --> 01:28:01,521 Good afternoon, everyone, and welcome to zombie recovery therapy. 1065 01:28:01,621 --> 01:28:03,962 I don't know what I do without Sarah and the others. 1066 01:28:04,062 --> 01:28:06,037 I mean, they really have caught me on an even keel. 1067 01:28:06,137 --> 01:28:09,141 Sarah made me see just how bad things had gotten 1068 01:28:10,489 --> 01:28:12,533 and they definitely gotten better. 1069 01:28:12,633 --> 01:28:16,303 I wish that I could say that I hadn't eaten anyone since the intervention. 1070 01:28:16,692 --> 01:28:18,208 Baby steps on that… 1071 01:28:18,714 --> 01:28:20,766 Girl Scout season is coming up to. 1072 01:28:20,866 --> 01:28:23,538 What I'm doing here, at the Evan's Rehabilitation Center, 1073 01:28:23,638 --> 01:28:25,300 is working through my problems. 1074 01:28:25,400 --> 01:28:28,255 You know, it's like a therapy, medication 1075 01:28:28,688 --> 01:28:30,967 and I think things are getting better. 1076 01:28:31,067 --> 01:28:33,598 Not crazy about the vegan flesh alternatives yet. 1077 01:28:34,387 --> 01:28:36,192 That's not my favorite thing. 1078 01:28:36,292 --> 01:28:40,074 1 thing I do know: I have found my future. 1079 01:28:41,349 --> 01:28:42,693 I'm a rock god. 1080 01:28:43,585 --> 01:28:45,187 My songs are awesome! 1081 01:28:45,888 --> 01:28:47,878 I'd like to dedicate this song 1082 01:28:48,423 --> 01:28:50,629 to my sister Franny. 1083 01:28:52,060 --> 01:28:54,222 It's called "1000 points of love." 1084 01:29:08,110 --> 01:29:12,110 Transcription, sync by beroal.in.ua. Some phrases are transcribed by (antoniolagrande, Xandra, kami_kadze)@notabenoid.com. More subtitles are coming. 1085 01:29:30,499 --> 01:29:32,231 George's intervention 1086 01:29:33,969 --> 01:29:37,851 George's intervention. Step 1. Planning! @ Preparation = Perspiration 1087 01:29:48,850 --> 01:29:52,946 George's intervention. Step 2. Practice! @ Perfect practice makes perfect! 1088 01:30:03,866 --> 01:30:08,048 George's intervention. Step 3. Confrontating! @ A necessary evil :( Boo hoo! 1089 01:30:18,947 --> 01:30:23,301 George's intervention. Step 4. Improvise! @ Not everything goes as planned… LOL! 1090 01:30:33,895 --> 01:30:37,777 George's intervention. Step 5. Facing your fears! @ Can be S-C-A-R-Y! 1091 01:30:49,511 --> 01:30:53,865 Helen's intervention. Step 1. Moving on! @ Put George's Intervention behind you… 1092 01:31:10,198 --> 01:31:12,704 Hello, would you like to buy some cookies?